I’m getting a ton of cats because I’m going to die alone. So many women tell things like this, butI’ve never quite been able to accept the spinster creed.
First of all, I don’t really like cats. Also, Animal Planet has taught me that hoarding them is kind of frowned upon.
I don’t really get what’s even worse about being alone. Sure, there are lots of positives to having a significant other like sexuality and getting to split a mortgage but single life has its perks, too.
Don’t get me wrong; I’d still love to meet someone someday. But the idea of being alone doesn’t frighten me in the way it did during my younger years. I don’t need to be in a relationship to feel fulfilled. Love used to be a priority: a necessity, even.However, age, maturity, a few dating sites and several bad dates have built me actually appreciate what the single life has to offer.
If searching dating sites has led you to people like that guy who use a image from 10 years ago as his misinforming profile picture, perhaps you feel it too. You realize that this whole dating thing is not worth sacrificing your time away from Netflix.
I’ve been through the full stages of heartbreak with my singleness, and I’ve finally come to both accept and embrace it. If you think you have as well, look for the following signs and symptoms 😛 TAGEND
1. Netflix Without The Chill
Why is this a thing? Like, seriously. I know I’m a bit out of the dating loop, but I don’t get the glamour.
You’d better not think about interrupting my four-hour documentary on cheesemaking just to get a little action.
2. Canceling Cosmo And Signing Up For Food Network Magazine
I used to are in favour of all sorts of girly magazines. They have all sorts of areas like fashion and … oh, who am I kidding? Everyone reads Cosmo for the sexuality tips.
Since those aren’t really required anymore, I have shifted my focus to food publications. If I ever need to make a souffl with fresh coco from my garden in 38 easy steps , now I can.
That’s a marketable ability. Or, at the least, it’s more of a marketing ability than the 20 ways to join the mile-high club. Swap out sex tips-off for food? At least this route, I’ll finish.
3. Checking Your Garb Before You Run Out
As soon as I walk through my door, off arrive the shoes. As I walk into the bathroom, I take off the jewelry, gasps and bra.
There’s a trail of garment and accessories around my house. I’m like a serpent shedding its scalp. I have so much freedom.
Thisis all great and wonderful, until you have to go back out and realize you’re missing something. I’ve gotten into my vehicle without shoes, and without realise I wasn’t wearing a bra.
Note: Check yourself for decency before you cross over the threshold, back into the real world.
4. Not Paying Attention To Grooming
Oh, has it been 2 week since I shaved? Again?
Oops. I’m likely saving a ton of time and money.
5. Starfish-Style Sleeping
I have a queen-size bed, and I’m considering get a monarch. I sleep diagonally, starfish-style across the bed.
I mean, if I even had a partner, where would he go? Would we have to get two beds? I’m not giving up my sleeping style.
6. Invested In Single Person Items
There’s no worse fate than trying to get an invisible zipper up or down without assistance. Guess what: There’s now a tool for that.
Jar difficult to open? You can do it yourself with a tool. Acookbook giving me one-person crockpot recipes? I need it.
7. Having An Smorgasbord Of Glasses
I like to say I have a menagerie of glasses. They merely mostly happen to be on display on my bedside table, and have remnants of tannins in the bottom.
Apparently, this isn’t something non-single people do.ButI’m single. I can do what I want.
8. Ordering Dinner for Two
So many restaurants have meal bargains for two. But when you’re single, who’s going to eat the other entree? You.
That’s right. you. Bit’s most economical to do the dinner deal and eat one for leftovers than have to try to cook for one and throw away all the leftovers you stimulated for the smaller army you don’t have.
There’s also my own personal favorite- the frozen skillet meals for 2? For 2? Psh. Challenge accepted.
9. More Practical Pinterest Boards
I used to expend hours on end on Pinterest. But do I actually require four committees dedicated to the future marriage I may never have?
OK, so let’s conceal those and start pinning cocktail recipes and how to turn t-shirts into rugs.
10. Work Ambitions
I used to dream of the working day I’d grow up, get married and live happily ever after. But now that I’m nearly 30 and have regularly attended both divorce parties and second bridals, I’ve realized that “happily ever after” doesn’t seem to be all it’s cracked up to be.
Why settle for a Mrs. before my name when I could use all those efforts to have the word “CEO” behind it instead?
11. Dating As A Game
Since I really can’t take the dating app thing seriously, I’ve built it into a fun drinking game. It’s a relatively simple and easy route to get intoxicated.
Picture with a dead animal? Drink. Mirror selfie? Drink.
Enjoy this time. What if you fulfill person and never get to starfish sleep again? Don’t sulk because you’re single; appreciate it.